1 Timothy 3:8-13 - The Lives of Deacons

Picture a homeless man advertising himself as a life coach. Would you hire him?

Think about it for a moment. A homeless life coach is offering to tell you how to manage your money, your relationships, your future—and yet the very life he's living seems to contradict the message he's selling. Why would we say, "No way!"? The ideas he might have aren't the problem, the problem is that his life doesn't match his words. Credibility requires consistency. A leader's life must align with his message.

Keep that in mind, because this will help us understand today's passage.

In 1 Timothy 3:8-13, Paul writes a letter to Timothy, who is working with the church in Ephesus. This is an established church, which is at least ten years old. It already has a plurality of elders, whom Paul had previously called to Miletus, warning them of the danger of false teachers who would lead people away from their faith in Christ. In this letter, Paul is revealing to Timothy how to restore proper order in God's household by ensuring that those who serve as elders and deacons are faithful men whose lives and doctrine reflect the Gospel. In other words, putting an elder or deacon into office who doesn't meet these qualifications is like hiring a homeless life coach.

Just like the Ephesian church needed Timothy to show them the kind of elders and deacons they needed to protect them from being led away from faith in Christ, so we at Christ Presbyterian Church need to ensure that our leaders live and demonstrate for us how to hold fast to Christ in every area of life. As our Session has opened deacon nominations, we need to know what to look for in a man, not merely which one is willing or available, but which one(s) Christ has already been forming.

Rather than compartmentalizing our faith and disconnecting certain spheres from it, like the men Christ qualifies to be deacons, we get to live empowered by the Spirit, from Christ's own faithful life formed in us. This enables us to live faithful to Christ in our outside life, our inside life, our church life, and our family life.

And so, let's read our passage from 1 Timothy 3:8-13 with this expectation.

1 Timothy 3:8–13 ESV

Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for dishonest gain. They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. And let them also be tested first; then let them serve as deacons if they prove themselves blameless. Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things. Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well. For those who serve well as deacons gain a good standing for themselves and also great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.

This passage shows us the qualifications of a man who will be leading the church in the ministry of mercy. And that is...

A deacon's life is faithful to Christ in every sphere

Just like you would want to hire a life coach that had successfully navigated the areas of life that you need help in, having a proven track-record, so should deacons be living faithfully in four particular spheres of life that they will minister to people in.

Verse 8 shows us that the first sphere a deacon must be faithful in is his outside life.

God requires deacons in his church to be dignified, respectable, and conduct themselves in a manner worthy of respect.

They should speak with integrity, sincerity, and truthfulness, being men of their word.

They should not abuse alcohol or any intoxicating substance which would damage their testimony to Christ and ministry in his name.

They must have an obvious understanding of the evil that the love of money can cause and must reject the temptation that the love of money brings with it.

To summarize: the people in the world around a deacon should not be surprised that they are a deacon in Christ's church who represent him and minister in his name.

Verse 9 reveals to us that a deacon must be faithful in his inside life.

God requires deacons in his church to hold fast to the revealed mystery of the faith. What is this? It is the gospel of Jesus Christ and the saving purposes of God that have been revealed in him.

And he must do this with a clean conscience. Having a clean conscience means that they must have a moral sensitivity that recognizes that their external actions flow from their faith in Christ. 

A deacon must not merely be able to repeat the tenants or doctrines of the faith with his lips, but must sincerely hold the truth of Christ internally where his life lives from that very confession that he holds fast to.

Verse 10 holds out that a deacon must be faithful in his church life.

God requires deacons to be those who have already demonstrated faithful Christian character and service within the church before being considered for the diaconate. The congregation should already know his capability and capacity for service (ministry) because he is to some degree already doing it.

He should not be “able to be taken hold of” by anyone in the church for his reputation. In other words, a deacon's lifestyle should be beyond reproach.

To summarize: a deacon must be demonstrating his gift of service within the church where he has a good reputation.

Finally, verses 11-12 requires that a deacon must be faithful in his family life.

God requires a deacon's wife (if they have one) to display the same dignity found in her husband, to not speak negatively of others, to exercise sound judgment, and to be faithful in every area of life.

But more than this, a deacon is to be faithful to his wife, literally be a one woman man. Nothing in him should betray infidelity, whether that be his relationships at work, in recreation, or the kinds of media he consumes.

He should also demonstrate loving, godly leadership within his household, especially in regard to his children. His children should ordinarily reflect respectful and orderly upbringing, though Scripture does not require perfect children or flawless parenting.

To summarize: it should be clear within a deacon's life that he cares for and loves both his wife and his family.

And what does all of this reveal? Just like a legitimate life coach, a deacon's faith should be consistently lived through every sphere of his life.

In his work interactions everyone should know he is honest, sincere, and caring for others not just about himself getting ahead. His faith should be robust, Christ-centered, and dependent upon the Holy Spirit. In the church, people who are familiar with the goings-on, should know that this man has a heart to serve because he is doing it. In his family, he should be lovingly serving and faithfully leading them into Christ. In other words, it should be apparent in every sphere that Christ is living in him and the Spirit is showing Christ's life through him.

When we consider that a deacon is simply one who looks like Christ, and so to some degree we should all be like this, yet, I am sure that if we are honest with ourselves we know that...

Our lives are often unfaithful to Christ in certain spheres

Ironically, as people, we are much like that homeless life coach. We advertise a wealthy, whole, and rescued life on Sunday, yet when the week begins, we live in a state of spiritual poverty in the corners of our lives.

Our problem is compartmentalization. We think we can lock our faith in one room of the house while living completely undisciplined lives in another. But a split life is an inconsistent life. The moment we disconnect our faith from any sphere, our credibility vanishes, and we become the very thing we would never hire.

One thing we can often do is disconnect our faith from our outside life.

In verse 8, Paul gives the prohibition of not being double-tongued or two-faced, not overly using alcohol, and not being shamefully greedy for material gain or profit. Why? Because this is our natural tendency. We tend to isolate what we believe in our inside from what we do on our outside. Yet Jesus tells us that the inside is what produces the outside. And this outside is part of what shows the love behind our service, so it is a necessity.

Another thing we can often do is disconnect our outside life from our faith.

Verse 9 gives a positive requirement of holding the mystery of the faith with a clean conscience or moral sensitivity. If we look at this negatively, we can see that we cannot simply do external acts of service without a faith that is aligned with it. 

In other words, we must not have a weak faith, but a strong faith in Christ.

Thinking again about a deacon, their service is not merely doing good things for others, but being used by Christ to show his love, so faith in Christ cannot be separated from service.

Another thing we can often do is disconnect our general practice from our faith.

Verse 10 reveals that a deacon is not simply someone who has potential to be engaged in service within the body, but one who has been gifted to do so and has already been putting these gifts to practice without the office.

Yet, we often think that a position will make a man instead of the man making or filling the position.

We as people act out of our character, so a deacon's character should be one that already "deacons" (serves).

Finally, we can often disconnect our family life from our faith.

Verses 11-12 show how a deacon cannot have an unfaithful wife, nor can he be unfaithful to his wife. The way he treats his bride will reflect how he treats Jesus' bride the church.

He must also not manage his household or children poorly. The way he manages his own household and treats the children of his own family will be how he treats his church family. 

We as people might think that we can serve well in the church even though we aren't serving well in our family, but the reality is the service to our family reflects our faith toward God.

But why do we do this? Why do we keep our faith in some rooms and lock it out of others?

Beneath all four of these disconnects is a single, quiet craving: we want a faith we can manage. We want a Christianity that stays where we put it—useful on Sunday, tucked away at work, silent in the home—because a faith that fills every sphere is a faith that costs us everything.

At the root, we are treasuring our own comfort and control more than we treasure Christ. We would rather keep a faith we can control than bow to a Lord who owns every room of the house. And that is not merely weakness—it is unbelief. It is a quiet refusal to trust that Christ in every sphere is better than self on the throne of any one of them.

The reality of our inconsistent faith puts us in a difficult position before God, failing to live as Christ has made us to be. But there is hope...

Jesus was faithful in life and death to enable our faithfulness

Jesus, who is the true and ultimate Deacon, the one perfectly faithful in every single sphere, was Himself, in the world's eyes, a homeless teacher that most anyone would have rejected as a Deacon. He is very One we'd refuse to hire as a life coach who himself is the best and only coach, for he not only lived the perfect life, but he made and determined the purpose of our lives and saved them! He is the only One whose inside, outside, church, and home life matched completely, and He has given His faithfulness to us through the cross.

If we look at our passage today through the lens of the Gospel, we see that Jesus alone was faithful outside, inside, in the church, and in his family.

Jesus is the true an absolutely perfect personification of a perfect deacon (every qualification of a deacon is met in Christ).

He lived his life with dignity both within and without the "church." He is the truth who always spoke the truth and always made his yes' yes and his no's no. He was a man of absolute integrity. Though Jesus was accused of being a drunk, his true food and drink were his Father's will. He was so free from the love of money that he though rich became poor to make us rich. He lived without a place of his own to lay his head. He perfectly resisted Satan's temptation to give him all the kingdoms of the earth!

Jesus was tested not only through service, but on the cross, proving his trust (faith) in God even to his last breath. Jesus was perfect, faithful to the Father in all things and beyond reproach.

Jesus is the true husband of the church who loved his spouse and gave himself up for her. Jesus is the perfect manager of his household and his Father's children, leading them and guiding them not with compulsion and anger, but gently by his Spirit, but leading them into conformity to his image. And he serves his church well by giving qualified deacons to it to serve them.

When we look at verse 9 and back to Paul's words in chapters 1 and 2, we see that Jesus lived and died to accomplish what Scripture calls "the mystery of the faith."

Don't let that phrase confuse you. A "mystery" in the New Testament isn't a riddle to be solved; it is a beautiful secret that has now been fully unveiled. And what is that secret? It’s the gospel! It is the stunning reality that God’s long-hidden plan to rescue a broken universe was achieved through a crucified and risen Messiah. As Paul explicitly anchored it earlier in this letter: "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners."

The mystery of the faith that deacons and all Christians must hold to is this great reality, that Jesus redeemed us through his blood on the cross. He bore God's wrath for us so that we might be brought into God's household and be given his perfect record of righteousness and faithfulness.

This is not just doctrine which deacons must hold, it is the very heart and soul of the gospel...Jesus Christ came to save sinners, and I am the chief.

Finally, if we look ahead to verse 16, we see that Jesus' vindication by the Spirit demonstrates his work's completion and his authority to gift his church with deacons.

The mystery of the faith is God's saving work now revealed in the incarnation, obedient life, sacrificial death, resurrection, ascension, and reign of Jesus Christ. His resurrection was His vindication by the Spirit, demonstrating that the Father's saving work had been accomplished and accepted. Jesus provided this for us at the cost of His own life, becoming a servant, becoming poor for our sake so that we might be made rich and made sons and daughters of God.

This is why deacons must hold fast to this mystery of the faith. It is not merely doctrine to be affirmed but the very life of Christ given for His people. Christ's resurrection and exaltation demonstrate that His saving work is complete, and as the exalted Lord He pours out His Spirit so that His people may share in His life and faithfully serve Him.

But the accomplishment of his work didn't simply give us his righteousness and faithfulness, through it he gave us his Spirit, and...

By the Spirit a deacon is enabled to live faithful to Christ in his outside life, inside life, church life, and family life

What is utterly amazing is that Jesus has metaphorically given us a life coach, the Holy Spirit who now lives to form Christ in us. He doesn't just tell a deacon or us what to do though, he enables us to live faithfully to Christ in every sphere of life.

When we look at this entire section and remember Acts 6:1-7, we see that Jesus gifts his church with men filled with the Spirit, wisdom, and faith that is consistent with the Gospel.

With this incredibly high bar of having an outside, inside, church, and family life consistent with the faith, we might be tempted to think that we will never have any deacons. Yet, when Christ ascended on high he gave gifts to his church, not only just men who would be elders and minister the word, but men who would minister mercy. Christ fills men with the Spirit and himself which enables them to live with consistency because of his own life in them.

While it is true that no one other than Jesus is perfectly faithful, Christ has gifted some men with the gift of faith lived mostly consistently, and when they don't they live through faith and repentance, demonstrating that they truly are living the mystery of the faith that Christ is their only hope.

And when they do fail, these men come with repentance because Christ remains their only hope and the mystery of faith in Christ is their answer.

And when we look at verse 13, we see how the Spirit encourages men to live in faithful service and entrust their future to him.

Jesus loves to care for his church through elders and deacons. He pours out his Spirit upon them and gifts them to enable their service. Being a deacon is a good thing, which is healthy to pursue.

So, how do we respond to a standard this high? When we look at these qualifications, the Spirit of God will generally lead our hearts to one of two places.

For some of us, we feel the weight of discouragement. We hear the qualifications of deacons and we are tempted to think that nobody can meet these high requirements. If that is where you are today, allow the Spirit reorients your sight: to remind you that Jesus loves his church and He, by the Spirit, is responsible for raising up deacons, not us. Because Jesus loves the church, we can pray with confidence, asking him to reveal those who are filled with faith, the Spirit, wisdom, and are already ministering to others.

For others who know that they have been gifted with a love for serving Christ's church by the Spirit but don't think they could ever meet the qualifications or wonder if they are simply too high, the Spirit can remind them that the diaconate is a beautiful way that Christ loves and cares for His church. Faithful service is a good thing, bringing a respected reputation, increasing confidence and boldness in the faith, and the privilege of caring for Christ's bride. Therefore, they can pursue their union with Christ more and more, growing in their knowledge of Him and the Gospel, while faithfully serving His church in every way they can. As they do, theytrust that Christ, by His Spirit, will continue to conform them to His image and produce these qualities in their life. If it is His will to call them to the diaconate, the church will recognize the work that Christ has already done in them.

In Christ, by the Spirit, we no longer have to live and talk like that homeless life coach. Instead, in the power of the Spirit by the life of Christ formed in us we can live our faith out in every sphere.

Jesus Christ did not merely come to forgive inconsistent servants; He came to create faithful servants by uniting them to Himself through His death, resurrection, and the gift of the Holy Spirit.

If you have never trusted Christ, stop trusting your own record and hold fast to the mystery of the faith—Jesus Christ, who came into the world to save sinners.

If you belong to Christ, ask Him to make your whole life increasingly consistent with your faith. Pray that He would raise up faithful deacons for His church, and if He has given you a heart to serve, pursue Christ, grow in the Gospel, and begin serving His people, trusting Him to produce in you the character He desires.

The church does not need impressive servants whose lives contradict their message. Christ is building His church through men whose lives increasingly display the Gospel they hold.

Because the risen Lord loves His bride, He continues to raise up faithful servants by His Spirit. Therefore, let us hold fast to Christ, pray for faithful deacons, and faithfully serve wherever He has placed us, trusting that He who began a good work in His people will continue to conform them to His image all to the glory of the Father.